


I can't make you love me

by nilielh



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Heartbreak, M/M, One Sided Love, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:54:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25569331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nilielh/pseuds/nilielh
Summary: It didn’t happen overnight but Jun often wondered if it was all a mistake just the same. He knew where he stood in Sho’s life, of course, of course, but it didn’t stop him hoping he could be something more someday.
Relationships: Matsumoto Jun/Sakurai Sho
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	I can't make you love me

_{one}_  
  
 _Turn down the lights_  
 _Turn down the bed_  
 _Turn down these voices_  
 _Inside my head_  
  
  
They are quiet when they reached the apartment. Sho wisely doesn’t comment on the way Jun had simply resigned himself to wherever Sho directs him, gaze lost as Sho’s fingers clamp tightly around his wrist.  
  
“Let’s get you to bed, Jun,” he says – whispers – guiding Jun towards the still unmade bed. Sho remembers getting off it this morning, remembers waking up with Jun’s fingers clutching the sheets beneath him tightly.  
  
“Jun, come on,” he says. Jun’s eyes are still glassy, nods into submission as he pushes Jun down on the edge of the bed and crouches down on the floor in front of Jun to remove his socks.  
  
“A-Are you leaving?” Jun mumbles, his question barely audible through the noises Sho’s heart is making, his fingers stilling on Jun’s left foot. It’s always the same question, the same lingering emotion whenever Jun asks it.  
  
 _You should_ , that tiny voice inside his head says and Sho tries his best to ignore it, chest aching despite himself. He shouldn’t have to feel this way, but the trouble is, he always does.  
  
He lets his hand travel from the sole of Jun’s foot to his calf, squeezing gently, carefully.  
  
“No, not tonight.” He says, hoping that for once, he means it.  
  
He doesn’t.  
  
  
 _{two}_  
  
 _Lay down with me_  
 _Tell me no lies_  
 _Just hold me close_  
 _Don't patronize_  
 _Don't patronize_  
  
  
He settles on his side, the way he always does when he lies on the bed with Sho. He could feel his heart, thumping away in his chest, hard and unsettle as he closes his eyes.  
  
Sho’s arm found its way over his waist, pulling him closer till his back is pressed against Sho’s front. His hands settle over Sho’s, clutching it hard, and Sho scoots closer, and Jun vaguely feels the warmth softness of Sho’s lips against the back of his neck.  
  
“No, not tonight,” Sho says; he sounded like he’s convincing himself more than he does Jun, and Jun’s heart aches.  
  
“Don’t lie,” he whispers, tugging Sho’s arm till it’s pressed right against Jun’s chest, clutching it still. Sho’s hand is warm, so warm, and Jun unconsciously finds himself ducking down to nuzzle it, shaking as he does so.  
  
“Please don’t, Sho-san,” he says, voice shaking along with the rest of him. Sho doesn’t say anything but his hold around Jun tightens, his lips repeatedly pressing light kisses against the back of Jun’s neck.  
  
  
 _{three}_  
  
 _'Cause I can't make you love me_  
 _If you don't_  
 _You can't make your heart feel_  
 _Something it won't_  
 _Here in the dark_  
 _In this final hour_  
 _I will lay down my heart_  
 _And feel the power if you want_  
 _No, you won't_  
  
  
It didn’t happen overnight but Jun often wondered if it was all a mistake just the same. He knew where he stood in Sho’s life, of course, of course, but it didn’t stop him hoping he could be something more someday.  
  
Sho’s breathing accelerates and the fingers digging into his hips tighten marginally. His movements turn sloppy, then rough, and for a moment, Jun wishes it means something more.  
  
Then Sho turns his head away before Jun can even tug his face down for a kiss, chest heaving as a familiar name leaves Sho’s lips the second his hips jerk it’s last and he freezes.  
  
Jun doesn’t come but it doesn’t matter. He’s busy chasing his tears away to even remember to give in to his body’s demands as Sho pulls out of him, the scent of sweat and sex lingering.  
  
“Jun –“  
  
Jun turns before Sho could touch him, tries to hide his heartbreak against the sheets as Sho remains motionless beside him.  
  
It’s how it is, Jun tells himself this; but it doesn’t make it any less heartbreaking knowing that there’s nothing he could do to change it, to change the way Sho feels about him and him about Sho.  
  
“I… I s-should go –“  
  
Jun shuts his eyes and grapples blindly in the dark till he finds the nearest part of Sho he could reach. He tugs, heart full it’s near to bursting as he mumbles, tone shaky and unsure.  
  
“Please don’t,” and it’s a question as much as it is a plea.  
  
Sho doesn’t, but that doesn’t mean he won’t ever.  
  
Jun knows it’s just a matter time before he does.  
  
  
  
 _{four}_  
  
  
 _I'll close my eyes_  
 _Then I won't see_  
 _The love you don't feel_  
 _When you're holding me_  
  
  
“Can I…can I come closer?” Jun asks, hesitant, unsure; Sho grits his teeth and bites the inside of his cheek as he reaches out his hands for Jun to take.  
  
It doesn’t take long; Jun scoots closer till they’re pressed from head to toe, till Sho feels like he’s going to suffocate with the lack of space, when it feels too much he couldn’t stand the almost debilitating scent of Jun’s shampoo hitting his nostrils, when he couldn’t bear being this close to Jun, holding him, letting him borrow Sho’s warmth when Sho knows he’d rather be somewhere else, holding someone else.  
  
“Just for now, Sho-san,” Jun breathes, and it sounded like a plea, something Sho couldn’t stand to hear.  
  
But still he closes his eyes and pretends, more for Jun’s sake than his own.  
  
“Shhh,” he hushes, feeling Jun’s fingers gripping the front of his shirt and blaming himself all over again for not loving Jun the way Jun loves him.  
  
 _{five}_  
  
 _Mornin' will come_  
 _And I'll do what's right_  
 _Just give me till then_  
 _To give up this fight_  
 _And I will give up this fight_  
  
  
“Have dinner with me,” he says; he doesn’t let his eyes linger long when the words are out his mouth, afraid his request will be rejected. He puts the steaming plate of Shrimp Fra Diavolo he’d cooked – something he’d learned online two nights ago – and goes back to fetch the wine he’d been chilling for a while now.  
  
When he gets back, Sho is taking his suit jacket off and hanging it over the back of the chair. He settles himself quietly, looking resigned more than anything, and Jun’s heart aches all over again.  
  
Just let me have this night, Jun thinks as he puts the wine on the table with a forced smile. Just this night and tomorrow, I’ll let you go.  
  
Sho raises his head when Jun puts two wine glasses on the table.  
  
“Jun, I –“  
  
“I know,” Jun says without meeting Sho’s eyes. “Sho-san, I know, okay? You don’t have to say it. Just have this dinner with me for now. That’s all I ask.” He says. “It’s not much, is it?”  
  
Sho doesn’t say anything but he does nod his head in answer, his lips curled with barely-concealed misery.  
  
Jun ignores it as much as he could, despite the difficulty. “Thank you.”  
  
  
{six}  
  
 _I tried my best_  
 _But you put my heart through the test_  
 _I can't make you love me_  
 _I tried_  
  
  
The next morning he wakes up, he’s alone. Jun’s side of the bed is cold and it took Sho long to realize that the rest of the house is, too. It’s also quiet and the usual smell of freshly brewed coffee that usually greets him is missing, too.  
  
He gets up and the first he sees is the piece of white paper sitting on the nightstand under his phone. He picks it up, tossing his phone on the bed, fingers shaking.  
  
He knows what this means, but it still doesn’t make it any less difficult.  
  
He scans the paper, finding only two words there, and somehow, reading it only makes Sho feel like the world’s biggest asshole.  
  
Thank you.  
  
It’s over. But somehow, even this, even now, and even after everything he did in the past to give Jun the best of him didn’t quite cut it.  
  
He’s not in love with Jun and that’s that.  



End file.
